


Wreck Me

by LikeShipsInTheNight



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Angst, Eating Disorders, M/M, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-10
Updated: 2013-10-27
Packaged: 2017-12-26 04:30:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,475
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/961592
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LikeShipsInTheNight/pseuds/LikeShipsInTheNight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Niall’s body soon became a canvas full of black and blues with yellow and purple hues here and there decorating his fragile pale skin. It was like a pattern Niall liked to stare at when he was in front of the full body mirror in the bathroom after a shower. He traced the bruises with the tip of his finger seeing them scattered all over his body.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I blame Miley Cyrus for making such a sad agnsty song like wrecking ball, so basicly here you have me writing something extremely sad and agnst-y. If you haven’t listened to her song though you should. Enjoy! Sorry if it’s not all that great I wrote it in like 45 minutes.

When Niall met Zayn he was on cloud 9. He’d never felt more alive, and being with him left thrill rushing through his veins hours after he’d left. It was beautiful, the feeling Zayn left him with and he always wanted more. Zayn was a drug, and Niall was the addict so when Zayn asked Niall to be his boyfriend he was over the moon. It was exhilarating, everything was wild and vivid and jumped in front of Niall’s eyes. 

But he didn’t expect Zayn’s fist to come flying and leave a black and blue bruise on his cheekbone. He cried that night, hours on no end while Zayn was outside partying with his friends. He wished he’d left that night, left the flat even if it was with nothing to his name. He wished and dreamed he wouldn’t have stayed there waiting for Zayn to get home so he could make sure he was okay. He should’ve known it would happen again, Zayn wasn’t even remorseful the first time he hit Niall, so why wouldn’t he hit him again. 

Niall’s body soon became a canvas full of black and blues with yellow and purple hues here and there decorating his fragile pale skin. It was like a pattern Niall liked to stare at when he was in front of the full body mirror in the bathroom after a shower. He traced the bruises with the tip of his finger seeing them scattered all over his body. He had tears rolling down his face when he was in front of the mirror. In those moments he just wished he wouldn’t make Zayn upset, if he was smarter and more attractive and just more sensible this wouldn’t happen to him. He convinced himself his body had turned into a grotesque art work because of him, because he didn’t do anything right. This was all his fault, and he didn’t know how to fix it. 

So then he decided, after a comment Zayn made about his animalistic eating habits that he was too fat. If he were to lose a few pounds then maybe Zayn would like him better. So he stopped eating, he didn’t eat more than a fourth of an apple a day because he was already fat enough. He didn’t need any more fat in his body. He exercised everyday until his legs were shaking and his arms were sore and he could barely move. Soon he was a mere 75 pounds but he didn’t look good enough so he still didn’t eat. He could see the pockets of fat stored in his stomach and he hated it. He couldn’t really exercise anymore, he was too weak and his body wouldn’t allow him to but he still tried. At this point it hurt to stand and it hurt to sit but most of all it hurt to be alive. 

So when Zayn saw Niall changing and called him disgusting, and told him he was an attention seeking anorexic Niall didn’t know what to do. He had tried, and he was trying to be everything but his everything was now nothing because now Zayn thought he was too skinny and that just wasn’t right. Zayn left Niall there, in the middle of the room crying until his eyes felt dry and body ached. Zayn didn’t care, and that was it so when Niall finished getting dressed and walked in seemingly no direction that’s all he could think about. 

He didn’t know how it happened but he was in front of a bridge sitting by the edge and watching his legs dangle. Niall knew he couldn’t swim, so he knew if he moved incorrectly it was all over. But somehow that thought made him want it more, ache for the feeling of being numb. The feeling of pain no longer running through his veins. He didn’t have anything to stay for, he’d lost all his friends and his family didn’t care so why was he still here. So he remembered Zayn and his pretty smile and his beautiful eyes and his cupid bow lips. He felt a silent tear roll down his cheek as he remembered feeling like he was on cloud 9 all over again as he fell from the edge and plunged into the water and when the water engulfed him he finally felt numb.


	2. Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is Zayn's POV of the whole thing and after Niall's suicide also. I didn't know how to get Into Zayn's head correctly so forgive me in advance.

Zayn thought Niall was perfect. Niall’s smile could light up a room and his laugh was rowdy but infectious and everything about him was overwhelming and when he talked Zayn felt warm inside. Zayn thought Niall was an angel reincarnated because there was no reason for someone to be so perfect. So Zayn decided he liked Niall and he wanted to lay in bed with him for hours just looking at the ceiling and letting his shallow breaths lull him to sleep and feel the warmth of his skin on his. So he asked Niall to be his boyfriend and when Niall said yes he couldn’t be more ecstatic.

But somehow every time Zayn saw Niall he no longer saw a beautiful angel, he saw someone too perfect. Why was he so perfect and how he was so happy and how did that work. He didn’t like it, it made him upset, how Niall could be so pure when he was so dark and misunderstood and unhappy. Why did Niall deserve to be happy when he wasn’t? It made no sense but somehow Zayn wanted to make Niall stop smiling, he wanted the room to go dark, he didn’t want to feel overwhelmed with the feeling of Niall.

The first time Zayn hit Niall it was intense, he had no idea where it came from and why his fist flew but it did and he didn’t know how to apologize so he just walked away. When he sat on a barstool that night he convinced himself this wasn’t his fault. Niall deserved it, so why should he feel bad? He felt bad all the time, why couldn’t Niall feel bad for a little while? It was only fair he thought. So he never apologized and he didn’t stop and he hit Niall for the smallest of things and he didn’t care because Niall never did anything right and because he didn’t know how to be happy.

So then he noticed Niall’s eyes go dim, and his mouth almost never quirking up for a smile and his presence diminishing. Niall no longer laughed and he barely spoke except to ask if Zayn needed anything and if this was okay and if something wasn’t. Everything was robotic and programed and cardboard cut so Zayn should have felt a sense of accomplishment. The thing is, Zayn didn’t feel accomplished, but he didn’t know how to stop. He had gone out of control and now everything was out of control and he didn’t know how to redirect his relationship into the right direction. He laughed at the word relationship because what he had wasn’t a relationship, it was a dictatorship and he was the dictator.

He didn’t know why he didn’t pull his words back that day, the day he saw Niall crying on the ground looking like a mere skeleton with skin. He remembers why though, and that’s what hurts the most. He walked away and he wished he hadn’t. He remembered seeing Niall sob and cry and heave and doing nothing because he couldn’t. It was his fault, he’d caused this but he was too much of a mess to fix it so he chooses to be a coward and walk away.

He had no idea he was walking away to the last image of seeing Niall alive, at seeing Niall with an opportunity to get better and live happily and once again be able to light up a room with just his smile. So now he sits on his couch with a bottle of jack and picture of Niall and tries not to cry because he shouldn’t have the honor. He doesn’t deserve to walk the earth when one of the most amazing people to live in it was now gone because of him. He was selfish and egoistic and a monstrous person and he didn’t understand why he did it. He wanted to die, he really did but he knows he doesn’t deserve to just be able to slide off it that way.  Before he does anything he gets wings tattooed onto his back and Niall’s name tattooed in the middle because he doesn’t want him to leave him. So when he walks into the police station with a fresh tattoo on his back, a picture of Niall in one hand, and a stern voice all he thinks about is Niall’s smile and his sweet voice and his beautiful eyes because that’s what will get him through it all. 

**Author's Note:**

> Tell me what you think and follow me on tumblr if you want xx http://darkchocolateandnarry.tumblr.com/


End file.
